What is the real problem?

Once, I moved to a new place. The house was on what initially seemed like a quiet rural road. Then I realized that while the road didn't have a ton of traffic, the traffic it had was really fast and really loud. And while sometimes it was just a speeding car, probably a third of the traffic was large farm trucks doing twenty to thirty over the speed limit.

Then one day I'm in the back yard, considering the compost pile, when through a broken part of the fence, I see my neighbor working on his car. He's an older guy, and he's got quite the mustache, and I know he probably thinks I'm ruining the neighborhood with my out of state license plates.

So I say hi.

He doesn't immediately respond and when I turn to go inside he says, "You just move here?"

To which I tell him yes, and then I proceed to dole out my ultimate trump card, I was born in this state, my ancestors settled here in the 1800's, and I'm finally moving back.

This seems to persuade him to talk to me a little bit, and he tells me that people from the state I'd been living in were ruining this state. He then tells me he can tell because the road is so busy now.

Sensing my oppuntinty, I heartily agree. I hate the trucks that speed on the road. He looks at me and says, "Well, you know the real problem?" And I lean in.

"What," I ask, "is the real problem?"

"It's all these women! Speeding while putting on make up!"

This isn't what I expected him to say, so I say,

"I think it might be the semi trucks going seventy-five."

And he then tells me an involved story about his son getting rear-ended by a woman.

A semi going about seventy roars by.

I tell him his dog is cute. He agrees. Then he tells me he's not political, but...

And twenty minutes later, I agree with him. Both sides need to work together or we won't get anywhere. Then he tells me that there are just so many people in the state now. He tells me that his wife moved here from the state that is ruining this state thirty years ago, and they are just disgusted at how many people are in the area.

Then he tells me about at least three of his kids. I suggest that the reason there are more people in the area might be because there are more just people than there were thirty years ago. He agrees this seems to be part of the issue.

His dog continues to be really cute, we again agree the dog is absolutely wonderful, and another semi flies by.

Finally, he tells me, he's going to kill some cows in May, and he'll sell me some fresh beef. I thank him and assure him that is a very nice offer, and he should not worry, I am not a vegitarian or vegan. He tells me he doesn't judge people, but that information is good to hear. His phone rings, and I take my leave.

Inside, my husband asks where I've gone, as he's been waiting to tell me he's going to store. I tell him about meeting our neighbor, and my husband is super excited about possibly buying some fresh beef. He leaves for the store.

A while later, my husband comes home.

"You'll never guess what I just saw," he says.

"What?" I say, not really paying attention.

"A woman just sped past me while putting on make up!"

"IT'S THE SEMIS!" I yell.