Definitions are Subjective

Like any good Millennial, I watch TikTok videos on Instagram long after they are cool. By virtue of this, I saw a video where a couple went on a date to Target and bought presents for each other. They set a price range and had categories for present purchasing. For example, one of their categories was to buy something for the other that started with the letter, L or O or V or E.

I was like, well, I am a pretty fancy city lady now. I do live in a town with a Target, and I've not done something like this before. So I told my husband we were going to do it. He was no exactly excited, but he agreed. I let him choose the categories. He came up with practical and purple. I added the category of impractical.

The date night came and we set off separate ways inside the belly of Target. I combed the aisles and came up with the following items: For Practical: I got him a metal veggie grilling sheet. For impractical: I got him a mini waffle maker (which was ten dollars and a lovely teal color) and for purple I got him some gummy bears in a purple bag and a lollipop looking thing wrapped in purple paper. It was actually just a bunch of seeds pressed together. You were supposed to plant it in your yard and Voila! Flowers!

At one point during this Target search I saw my husband. I asked him how he was doing and he went pale.

"I'm not done yet. I have something that is totally unacceptable." And then he ran off.

Finally, I paid and eventually he was ready too. We went home and exchanged our gifts.

For practical, my husband got me a salad Tupperware. He took it apart to show me it contained a little space for a container of dressing AND it had its own fork! IT'S OWN FORK he emphasized. It was a very nice Tupperware. Very practical, I heartily agreed.

I gave him the veggie tray.

"This is actually a very good idea," he said as he turned it over and evaluated its heft.

He concurred it was practical and therefore he liked it.

For purple he got me lavender lotion.

"There was nothing purple in my price range," he told me, "except for lavender scented Poo-Pourri. Which, I really panicked about because I didn't think you would like it. I'm pretty sure Poo-Pourri is not romantic, but there is nothing purple in that store!"

We had been in the same store, and I had found a lot of purple things, but I declined to comment. Lavender lotion was indeed much more romantic than lavender Poo-Pourri. He tried to tell me that the gummy bear bag was blue, which it wasn't, and then he was totally confused by the seed lollipop.

"So I can't eat it?"

"You can try, but that's not what it's made for."

I don't think he was impressed.

Then we got to impractical. I gave him his mini waffle maker. He looked at it.

"But we have a normal sized waffle maker," he said.

To which I said yes, but this one was a different size and maybe we could make mini waffle sandwiches with it. This seemed to make him sad. He gave me mine impractical gift.

It was a small spray bottle. He started to giggle.

"This is the most impractical thing I could find!"

I stared at him.

"It's the most inefficient watering can you could possibly have. Why pour water on your plants when you could slowly mist them instead? It's totally impractical!"

And then he was laughing loudly and unboxing my mister for me.

"It's not a watering can," I started. "It's..."

But he wasn't listening. He was busy miming slowly watering plants with it.

The next day I found him slowly misting my house plants, softly giggling about how impractical the system was. I thought about dumping a bunch of water into the plants in front of him, but then I realized, he was really enjoying himself, even if it was a totally impractical use of time.